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The Whole Truth
I swear to manipulate my company’s earnings the old fashion way: via Generally Accepted Accounting Principles (yes, the very principles which I paid to help craft). I also swear and/or certify that the 50, instead of 20 pages of footnotes will prove impervious to any Congressional Investigation(s). To the best of my lawyer’s knowledge, I can not be held liable for following GAAP (yes, the very principles which I continue to help craft). Nameless CEO"