Wer hilft notleidendem Investmentbanker? (engl.)

verfasst von netrader, 25.10.2002, 20:29

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We need your support so please contribute generously.
=====================================================

With redundancies at investment banks around the globe looming, now is the
time for us to show the world just how much we care. Hundreds of investment
bankers in your very own country are living at or just below the
seven-figure income level! Atrocious! And, as if that weren't bad enough,
they will be deprived of pay for several weeks--possibly a whole year--as a
result of their redundancy. But now you can help! For about two thousand
dollars a day--that's less than the cost of a large screen projection
TV--you can help an investment banker remain economically viable during his
time of need.

Two thousand dollars a day may not seem like a lot of money to you, but to a
investment banker it could mean the difference between a vacation spent
golfing in Florida or a Mediterranean cruise. For you, two thousand dollars
is nothing more than three months rent or mortgage payments. But to an
investment banker, two thousand dollars a day will almost replace his pay.
Your commitment of two thousand dollars a day will enable an investment
banker to buy that home entertainment center, trade in the year-old BMW for
a new Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio.

"HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?"

Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the investment
banker you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k),
real estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home.
You'll also get information on how he plans to invest the $5 million lump
severance package he will receive upon outplacement. Plus upon signing up
for this program, you will receive a photo of the investment banker. Put the
photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples' suffering.

"HOW WILL THEY KNOW I'M HELPING?"

Your investment banker will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just
wants to help in a time of need. Although the investment banker won't know
your name, he will be able to make collect calls to you home via a special
operator just in case additional funds are needed for unexpected expenses.


Simply fill out the form below.

___YES, I want to help! I would like to sponsor a redundant investment
banker. My preference is checked below: [ ] Research analyst [ ] M&A
specialist [ ] Trader* [ ] Derivatives trader** [ ] Entire IPO team*** [ ]
I'll sponsor an investment banker most in need.

Please select one for me.

* Higher cost
** Much higher cost
*** Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a specific team
(Sorry, does not include secretaries).

Please charge the account listed below $2,054.79 per day for a research
analyst or M&A specialist for the next 3 months. Please send me a picture
of the investment banker I have sponsored, along with my very corporate logo
baseball cap to wear proudly on my head.

[ ] MasterCard
[ ] Visa
[ ] American Express
[ ] Diner's Club

Your Name: __________________________
Telephone Number: __________________________
Card Number: __________________________ Exp.Date:_________
Signature: __________________________

Mail completed form to any major investment banking firm or call
1-888-TOOMUCH now to enrol by phone. (Children under 18 must have parental
approval.)

Note: Sponsors are not permitted to contact the investment banker they have
sponsored, either in person or by other means including, but not limited
to, telephone calls, letters, e-mail, or third parties. Keep in mind that
the investment banker you have sponsored will be much too busy enjoying his
free time, thanks to your generous donations.

Contributions are not tax-deductible.


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gesamter Thread:

• Wer hilft notleidendem Investmentbanker? (engl.) - netrader, 25.10.2002, 20:29
  • Re: Wer hilft notleidendem Investmentbanker? (engl. Humor) - Emerald, 25.10.2002, 20:40
    • die Mehrzahl der Investmentbanker ging doch sowieso leer aus - nasdaq, 25.10.2002, 21:55