Re: den gehörnten zum Trost:-), QUANTUM SEXUAL PHYSICS

verfasst von Citrus, 06.12.2004, 05:15

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>SZ am Wochenende 4./5.12.2004
>hier ist der ganze Artikel http://www.sueddeutsche.de/panorama/artikel/125/44081/4/print.html
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Q My boyfriend, Peter, has a very small penis. In fact, it is so small
that I can?t actually see it, although he assures me that it exists and
informs me when it is erect. Recently, through my study of physics, I
have learnt that the laws of quantum mechanics become apparent at
the level of the very small, and was wondering what implications this
might have on our sex life?
Mary
A The area of physics that applies to the very small is called quantum
theory. Suppose we take your boyfriend?s word for it that his penis actually
does exist, then quantum theory says that in addition to having a material
existence, his penis also has a wave function that measures its probability
of existing in every state at every point in space and time. When an
observation is made, his penis exists in one of these states and locations;
but before observation, his penis exists in a nether state described by the
sum of all possible states. If you don?t understand this, then don?t worry
because if you think you understand it, then you have probably
misunderstood. Einstein despised this interpretation of quantum theory
because of his belief that God does not play dice with penises. Schrodinger
despised it because he thought it was absurd to think of a pussy that could
be both dead and alive at the same time. It is probably safe to say that
nobody properly understands quantum physics; it just conforms to all the
observations.

An explicit example of this is the double slit experiment. In this experiment,
a beam of electrons is shot through two slits and a photographic film placed
behind the slits records the resulting pattern. If the electron were simply a
material particle obeying the laws of classical mechanics, then we would
expect to see two tiny lines burned into the photographic film behind each
slit. However, what we actually see is an interference pattern
corresponding to the interference of two waves. When electrons are shot
one at a time, we see the same pattern. The explanation of quantum
physics, and the only explanation consistent with these observations, is
that the probability distribution of the each electron spreads out over space,
allowing a single electron to penetrate both slits simultaneously and
proceed to interfere with itself behind the slits.

Your boyfriend?s penis is not that different from an electron. If it is small
enough, then its wave function will also spread out over a space large
enough for it to penetrate more than one slit simultaneously. In fact, the
smaller the penis, the more slits it will be able to penetrate at once. If you
were to line up a number of ladies on a bed, your boyfriend would be able to
thrust into all of them at once. To be optimistic about his penile inadequacy,
what he will lose in quality of stimulation, he will gain in quantity.

So you may wonder, if your boyfriend were to ejaculate while his
penis-wave-function is penetrating multiple slits simultaneously, how
many ladies could he potentially fertilise? Could the wave function of his
spermatozoa fertilise every lady whose slit he is penetrating, so that he
could fertilise multiple women simultaneously? Well, according to quantum
theory, although the wave function of his penis can spread out over space
to penetrate multiple slits at once, his penis is still a material object that
goes through one slit or the other, as are also his spermatozoa. And so with
every entry involving an ejaculation, he will at best only fertilise one lady.
The best he can do to get around this restriction is to ejaculate over many
consecutive entries, because if his penis randomly goes into a different slit
with each entry, then he could conceivably fertilise a different lady with
each ejaculation.

But will these ladies want to mother his child? After all, penis size is
largely genetic, and in the event that their child is a boy, they will probably
want him to be more generously endowed than your boyfriend. A form of
contraception is therefore advisable, but a simple condom will be
ineffective. At such small sizes, quantum theory predicts that the
spermatozoa will simply tunnel through the condom. If a spermatozoon is
ejected from a very-small-penis, then it logically follows that the actual
spermatozoon must be even smaller than the already-very-small-penis.
Since the consequences of quantum mechanics become noticeable at the
level of the very small, then each spermatozoon will have a probability
distribution that will actually smear through the condom. And given the
huge sample size of spermatozoa ejected in even a modest ejaculation, it is
a near certainty that one of these will tunnel through the condom to cause
fertilisation.

This fact confers a dangerous selective advantage to
men-with-very-small-penises because these men can pass their genes on
to the next generation more efficiently by deceptively fertilising ladies
under the illusion that they are being protected against fertilisation by using
a condom. This enhanced reproductive efficiency is multiplied by the ability
of men-with-very-small-penises to fertilise multiple ladies every time
they indulge in sexual intercourse. From one perspective, the development
of a very small penis could be considered the next step in male hominid
evolution.

The only contraceptive protecting humanity against the prominence of
males-with-very-small-penises is the quantum prediction that before a
very-small-penis is observed, then there is a probability that it doesn't
really exist. This probability is probably quite high because a subatomic
particle, atom or molecule probably can't urinate or copulate on its own. If it
could, then we would all be covered in microscopic penises. Before you
agree to participate in any of the sexual implications opened up by
very-small-penises, check your boyfriend out under the electron
microscope. As a general rule, it doesn't exist until you observe it.

Thread gesperrt

 

gesamter Thread:

• Da strahlten Anhänger der Evolutionstheorie: Kosten und Nutzen der Untreue ;) - JoBar, 05.12.2004, 19:12
  • Re: den gehörnten zum Trost:-), QUANTUM SEXUAL PHYSICS - Citrus, 06.12.2004, 05:15
  • Testosteron - Dieter, 06.12.2004, 10:48
  • Jep! Deshalb wurde und wird Gold immer wieder zu Geld... - LeCoquinus, 06.12.2004, 17:52