Board-Ansicht
Mix-Ansicht- An Important Merger - Crowley, 28.12.2001, 02:24
An Important Merger
AN IMPORTANT MERGER by Da Cheif
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CHRISTMUKKAH
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers
and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press
conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An
industry source said that the deal had been in the
works for about 1300 years.
While details were not available at press time, it
is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve
days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was
becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining
forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy
consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen
Days of Chrismukkah, as the new holiday is being
called.
Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and
maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the
conditions of the agreement, the letters on the
dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by
Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider
audience.
Also, instead of translating to"A great miracle
happened there," the message on the dreydl will be the
more generic"Miraculous stuff happens." In exchange,
it is believed that the Jewish people will be allowed
to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising
resources for buying and delivering their gifts.
One of the sticking points holding up the agreement
for at least three hundred years was the question of
whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies
for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A
breakthrough came last year, when Oreos were finally
declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about
this.
A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to say
whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might not be in the
works as well. He merely pointed out that, were it not
for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger
between Christmas and Hanukkah might indeed be seen as
an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately
for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to
maintain the competitive balance.
He then closed the press conference by leading all
present in a rousing rendition of"Oy Vey, All Ye
Faithful." Happy Holidays
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